Day 230/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Today, one answer that fits two questions.

Question 6: Who do you want to be?

Question 7:I really can appreciate the honesty of your answer, but there's something about the fear you mentioned on your profile [link] that says more... [this is a response to Question 4]

Busted! For those who have not seen, the sole line of text there, excepting my name, is the all-too-telling "My greatest fear is that I won't be everything I can be."

This is surprisingly complicated, and having deleted a 5 paragraph answer, I find it can be related more directly, and possibly more understandably.

I want to be better tomorrow than I was today. I over-analyze my world and life, and note things that I dislike in my actions or instincts. Or things that I don't find are balanced. The perfect example, though it doesn't extend into the emotional and social realm, is my month of veggies. I noticed a lack of balance in my eating habits, so I challenged that. In doing that I also challenged the hundreds of times I had claimed I could never go vegetarian. I now know that if I wanted to, I am totally capable. I also, as a result tend to actually look at menus before ordering, and don't just order a hamburger. It's these little things that I want to be better at. I want to stop closing my mind to things that strike me as not for me, and at least consider them fully before I reject them. I'm stubborn... and pushing against that pig-headed-ness can only help me in the long run. I want to focus on others more and me less. I want to be the best me I can be, and through all of that I want to be me. The best son, brother, grandson, boyfriend, photographer, writer, carpenter, citizen, king, anything that I am or will be.

So who do I want to be? Me. I want to be a continuously evolving me, not trapped by my stubbornness and the world around me.

[Open]

Day 231/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 8: What's the most $$ you would pay for sneakers?

Honestly? Probably about $40 bucks? I usually get my sneakers at Kohls or something similar.

I get cross-overs, I wear them for everything that isn't a dress occasion, so they need ankle support for hiking, but they also need to be able to function as general walking shoes with an easy off and on. They also need to have good grip, for parkour usage.

My current pair of sneakers I've been wearing for about a year and a half... and they're ready to be replaced.

I actually looked at some nicer sneakers while at REI recently, that approached $90... but I honestly don't see the point when I can get the same support and use from something for so much less, without the label.

[Self-Portrait]

Day 232/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 9: What made you choose the career you're in? Do you like it? If no, what else would you rather be doing?

This is kind've a fun question because it's beginning makes people go "whu-huh?"

I started college as a Secondary English Education major. I wanted to teach American Literature. Very specifically: I wanted to teach American Literature to the juniors at Notre Dame High School. Not that I was specific or anything. I love Am-Lit. Alot. I still pursue and re-read it [and my notes on it] often. But our program at PC was very Brit-Lit focused. By this I mean there was only one Am-Lit course in the very large and filled criterion.

Nothing against Brit-lit, it's just not for me. I like alot of it, but I have no interest in teaching it. I want to teach the novels that I like best. I scheduled a meeting with the head of the department, and was informed that, no, they would not consider subbing some am-lit courses in for the brit-lit courses. So, I decided it was time to consider a change. I thought about it, and the fact that I had always wanted to go into Law Enforcement. Specifically, I had been interested in being a detective, but at this time I focused on the FBI. It seemed something I was capable of, and I KNEW it was something I was interested in. So I threw myself into that interest full force and found out everything I could about it, and how to get into it.

Turns out the FBI, CIA, and all the other higher-level government agencies are crying out for one skillset in particular: Comp-Sci majors. I've always gotten along well with computers. I built my box I brought to school, My parents had a dos machine that I learned to master better than them. I used to pick up old machines and figure out how they worked, inside and out... then try to hack them. I'd figured my way around telnet, and had a very good grasp on the internet and most computer functionings. I had always wanted to learn how to code, but had never had the time and/or materials.

So, I became a CS major! And boy, while I never would've saw it coming, I really am glad that I did. I loved my major and my department. I missed writing papers, but coding is so much fun. Me and Jeff talk about this often. It's like solving puzzles all day long! You start to think differently, you start to break everything down into little baby steps. It really does adjust your worldview. Homework was sitting in the lab with friends and making things happen. I'd figure out a puzzle, essentially a challenge of logic, and colors, lines, figures would occur. And though it would drive me crazy to figure out how to make it happen... when it did I'd DONE that, and I'd succeeded. It's very rewarding to be able to see the rewards of your work as soon as you finish it.

I'd kinda forgotten the FBI thing in my excitement, and anyway, you need 3 years full time job experience before you can apply, so I started applying to random jobs last January. Anything CS related, but specifically I wanted to do some flash stuff. I'd taken one course in it, but had enjoyed it. So I tried to focus on that. Everyone looks for people with 5 years experience, but I sent my resume out anyway. One company that wanted 3 years responded, and I got an interview. I thought I'd done AWFUL. Literally, horribly. I did very well at the logic puzzles, but they asked me to do some C++ stuff, and I was a little rusty in that.

Apparently not, they offered me a job! Thats how I ended up here. And I mean, c'mon, I write flash games for an online casino. All gambling not being cool shit aside, that's pretty slick. And I really do love it here. My work is [usually] stimulating and challenging. I still get to solve puzzles everyday, and my coworkers are really great people. There are few people here I dislike, and most of them are downright cool. How often do you get to have nerf battles at work? Plus, I have time on the side to shoot, do theatre, and get together with friends and other folks. I can wear street clothes, and come and leave when I want [as long as I get my work done].

Having spent alot of time hating my job... this is a gloriously nice change. I'm very happy here. Do I think it's what I'll be doing for the rest of my life? I'm not sure. I like it, but I still have pipe dreams of some other fields... I'd like to do some more proffesional Technical Direction [theatre] work, I'd like to learn how to do lighting design and see if I like that as much I think I would... and I'd like to do some more master carpentry stuff. And there's the photographer bit... but I strongly feel I can pursue that in addition to my work. Simply a matter of scheduling. Honestly there is far too much I'm interested in.

But for now, and I imagine, for a while, I'm very happy where I am, in this job and in this field. I think it's really interesting and alot of fun. Truth be told, I'm almost surprised by how much I enjoy it.

[Apparently I'm pretty loquacious]

[Oh, and the business card with writing on it? I listen to music all day long... when a lyric stands out to me, I write it on that card. It's fun.]

[Open]

Day 233/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 10:What is your tattoo of and what is it's signifigance? Do you plan on getting more?

My tattoo is of a fox. Technically it's a fox's head over a fox's pawprint. The design was made by viech.



The basic and simple explanation is my name. Todd, in olde english [the e is for aesthetic appeal, please pronounce it.] means fox. That's right. My name, means fox. The best part of this is that this means, by extension, that my name, in Spanish... is Zorro. Hells yes.

But thats not all.

I hold a lot in animal symbolism, especially that of the native americans, along the lines of the totem. And I want my tattoos to not only describe parts of me, but to reflect things I want to form in myself. To the native americans, beside it's symbol of wit and cunning, which we'll ignore the negative aspects of, thanks, it's a sign of using your presence to fully understand what is occuring around you and trying to grasp everything. It is also a symbol of self-transformation... in mythical circles, the fox is considered a shape-shifter. In Japan it describes longevity and protection from harm.

I have a few designs enqueue. Besides a band I want to get around my upper right arm, of 35mm film, there are a few designs. One which was designed with a basic concept from me by my friend Juli, uses a symbol I made out of binary for 365, and fills one of the zero's with a fox pawprint, and the other with a bear pawprint. I am still deciding what to fill the middle zero with, and can always fill that in later.



Additionally, there is a potential bears head over a bear pawprint, almost exactly along the lines of my fox tattoo.

Interesting factoid that will surprise almost everyone, I think... the bear tattoos and symbols got nothing to do with the bear community. I knew I'd be getting this before I knew what that was, really. I mean, there is an additional, fun, tie-in now... but it honestly has nothing to do with that. The bear is a symbol of healing and personal bravery, in addition to personal strength. I strive to reflect these things in my actions, personal strength and bravery especially, though being an agent of healing, and indeed healing for myself are important to me as well. To the sioux it is a symbol of wisdom: something I have none of, but which I hope to achieve through life. It is also, to the Sioux, a sign of grounding and interrelationship between a person and their environment, connecting them to all of creation, and the truth that runs throughout all of it. It is supposed to help you know when to stand up for your rights, and when to walk away from a battle. This is a struggle I face often, on both sides, being overzealous, and underzealous. Lastly, to the chippewa it is a sign of introspection and personal discovery, as well as a maternal, protective nature. I don't know if I'm maternal... but I'm definetly protective.

Another animal symbol I feel very connected to is the Otter, for a bunch of reasons that will just make this longer, and that I'm probably the only one interested in. That will probably end up being the filler of the third circle.

[self-portrait]