cptntiller: (Conscience Bear!)
[livejournal.com profile] ruralrob & [livejournal.com profile] muddster posted, today, their top ten most viewed photos on flickr.

I found this intriguing, so I looked at mine... what a random ass bit of imagery, none of which are even remotely my finest work. But it was definetly interesting, to say the least. Here's they are:
Day 236/365
Probably because it's related to LOST.

And the other 9 )
That was intriguing
cptntiller: (tbone)
Day 07 – Your hobbies, in great detail

Full size images of the above here:
Trombone: here
Guitar [Missing]: here
Cameras: here
Climbing: here
Knitting: here

Oh snap. Kids. I do too much.

So. I divided into some categories!

I play a plethora of instruments. I've been playing guitar for 8 years now, and while I don't play out, I play alot in my apartment space. Mostly acoustic, though I recently re-stringed my electric, so maybe I'll use that more often now. It's a nice calming activity, very zen and what-not. I can also play violin and trumpet, some drums, and a little piano. Additionally, I'm learning the accordion, and seeking out a banjo. I'm excited about the banjo.

My best/favorite instrument is assuredly the trombone. I've been playing since 5th grade, so, almost 16 years now.

Wow. Crazy.

I started playing in concert band at my middle school, where I actually had my mom - though she wasn't my main music teacher. I took to the instrument like a virus to an immune system. Wait, what was that metaphor. Whatever, moving on. I practiced a lot in middle school, oddly without any lecturing from my folks. I was put in a private school in 6th grade. I was kind've miserably depressed while I was there, and the resulting apathy caused me to not only do horribly in school, but stop caring about playing. I stopped for a single semester and came back to it as soon as possible. I had missed it a lot. I was in honors band in middle school, and then in high school, as I mentioned before, I was introduced to jazz. All of a sudden trombone made even more sense to me. I began taking lessons [actually, for the second time] with a local trombonist, Jim Fryer. He's amazing. Anyone who downloaded the october mix got to hear him, actually. My new focus on it, combined with some competition from a classmate and a strong desire to place into regionals brought even more focus to it. I played alot in high school. Got into regionals all three years I tried out, narrowly missed all-states the two I tried out for it. My parents sent me to an amazing band camp [I know it's hard, but do not make the joke. There is no music person who has been to band camp who has not heard that joke and does not hate you for referencing it. Seriously. Ask any of them.] It was 3 weeks of non-stop playing. I considered it as a major for college, in fact. SPEAKING OF COLLEGE! I graduated from high school and played in college. At the beginning of my freshman year, I was in Orchestra, Jazz band, Concert Band, and the Pep Band.

I didn't really want to do pep band, and the first rehearsal kind've cemented in my mind that it was not something I wanted, and also it was not something I would be able to do while being a theatre kid. [priorities.] Orchestra I remained in for that semester. There are a couple of reasons it sucked. One: It always sucks to be a brass player in Orchestra. There are some truly amazing parts, but 95% of any given gig is just counting and waiting for them to happen. Two: The orchestra was not very popular, and so it was in part populated by folks from the community, and the other trombone player was fucking. Bat-shit. Crazy. He scared me alot. The tamest example is him yelling at me for drinking water because fishes fuck in it. The last part of that is a quote. I stayed in concert band and jazz band, then my junior year I realized "wait. I don't actually enjoy concert band."

See, in high school you needed to be in concert band to be in jazz band. So I had that mindset. When I realized I didn't need to be in concert band to play the kind of music I really loved, that game ended immediately. I was in jazz band the rest of my college life, with the exception of my final semester. My roommate and good friend Ian and I quit together. The new conductor had sapped all the fun out of jazz. Which is impressive.

I didn't play for almost two years, when I did a craigslist search for a band looking for a trombone player. I happened upon the band I am now in! The Dirty Water Brass Band. I'm hella glad to have found them. They're super fun, and we have an awesome time. We rocked the shit out of our sets at HONK, in my humble opinion, and we're hoping to start picking up more gigs. I'm extremely excited for this. It's my kind of music, with great folks. And I've been in it since NEAR the beginning, and it's fun to notice how very far we've come.

I got a digital camera my senior year of highschool. It was an old 3.2 megapixel HP. There are images from it on this LJ. I snapped everything for a while, then put it down. Fall my sophomore year of college, I decided I was going to become good at photography. I picked the camera up, and decided to force myself to take ten pictures every day, with the intention of them being more than simply snapshots. I slowly gained knowledge, from people and the internets, but mostly from simply forcing myself to continuously shoot. And I genuinely loved it.

I picked up a film camera that weekend, and loved the control it gave me, but didn't have darkroom access, so after getting film developed a few times, being a poor college student, put it down. At the end of that year, I upgraded my camera for my first digital camera with the ability to manually focus, set aperture, shutter, etcetera. It was a fixed lens SLR, a Panasonix FZ-30. I shot as much as possible, and went further and further down the photo rabbit hole.

Second semester junior year I took an extra course in black and white film photography. My world was blown. Developing my own photos brought everything to an entirely new and far more meaningful level. I didn't have a sensational portfolio at the end of the course, in part thanks to a camera without a working light meter, and a teacher who didn't even teach us how to use filters in the darkroom.
First film portfolio

That summer I began my infamous 365 project. Most of you were here for that, right? If not, um. I did an entire year of shooting a self-portrait every. single. day. You can see them all here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/thp365/sets/72157606251703136/

That year, I claim to be the sponsor of most of my photography skills. I learned so much that year through continuous practice and forced creativity that I could not have learned over a year of casually shooting. I recommend it to anyone trying to get further into the world of photography. At this time there was a huge photo community here on LJ, that posted all the time. Angry Alan, Transairn, a bunch of other folks who used to post ALL the time. Many of them still do. bobo dreams, Bitterlawngnome, Rural Rob. The point being that the inspiration and advice and encouragement from the people on this site helped me a thousandfold.

My fall semester senior year, I took another film course at PC, the second level one, and that produced work I am *EXTREMELY* proud of. I learned more, and got hooked on film more.
Second film portfolio

Starting junior year, I was given jobs shooting the archive footage of Providence College theatre productions. I did such photos for the theatre company I worked for after college as well, and last winter I was invited by Mark_shutterbug to help shoot [title of show] at the speakeasy. One of my photos from which ended up in the Boston Globe.

I've shot a few weddings since. An engagement shoot, a headshot shoot, and mostly just a number of shoots for me. Most of the work is here. I love film and shoot it whenever I can. I'm beginning to aquire a collection of classic cameras, which I love. I've been shooting with a Yashica Mat-124 alot lately, I need to work on getting those scanned and online for people to see. Too much to do!

But photography is my main creative and life outlet. I love it, I can't imagine who I would be without it.

The third is electronics/Gamery!
Yes, yes. I am one of those video game playing Hooligans. No, I am not one of those WoW playing types. I don't do drugs, thanks.

I'm not a hardcore gamer, or even an overly skilled one. But I love playing, especially now that the interwebs makes it easier to play with friends / now that I live with roommates who also game.

My favorite games? Okay. Well.

Half-Life 2 is amazing. Just. Totally frigging awesome. I'm probably going to replay that soon. Any classic NES game is awesome, especially Super Mario Bros 3. I love Super Mario Galaxy a lot. Ask my college roommates about how much I slept after we got that game. Answer: not very much. Left 4 Dead and Left 4 Dead 2 are amazing games. My coworkers also play them, so we'll often take a breather to just all get in together and play. Nothing quite as fun as killing zombies. I'd say I play those two the most. [thethp on steam] OH. Did I mention: Portal. Portal is frigging awesome. Portal 2 is just around the corner, that's exciting.

I also love board games, on the game front. The classic, simple games like scrabble, [I can play scrabble for hours.] and the more complicated geek games like settlers of catan. Any board game really. Or card games. Card games are awesome.

I included electronics because I also like to toy with computers and circuits. I am a code monkey at heart, and have been known to happily code on my own projects at home. I recently made an amp, too, also.

The fourth is Climbing/Physical Activity!
I rock climb, kids. It's my favorite way to expell energy. I'm at a solid 5.11 now, been climbing near weekly for over a year now. The pooch and I climb together, it's a good time. It's like physical exercise, but with mental stimulation. The best combination ever.

I used to be really into Parkour. I'm working on getting back into it. I kind've fell out of the community when I moved to Boston, but once my shoulder heals up I'm going to be right back in there, vaulting with the best. It's a great discipline, very freeing and exciting, also an amazing outlet.

I bike! A lot. Although, recently not as much because my bike is broked due to an accident. Geting it fixed and back on wheels soon though. I actually bike[d] to work every single day. It's a great way to start and end the day, really. We'll see how long it lasts now that it's all brisk out.

Oh, and I play on a wicked awesome dodgeball team. The flying Wombats. Respect the wombat.

And skiing. I love skiing.

The fifth is knitting!
I hesitated to include this one. I just started about 2 months ago. But I'm really really enjoying it, and plan to continue to, so here it is. So far I've only made a scarf and a hat and sweater sampler, but I'm about to start my first sweater, so yay.

madknits got me into it, actually. It was a pleasant happenstance, and I'm really glad for it. Also glad for the fun time hanging out with him and his knitting krew on monday nights. It's quite pleasant. Knitting is very zen for me, it's a nice detox.

I didn't include theatre in the image above, because I don't really ACTIVELY help make theatre anymore. I probably should get back involved, but I lack the time right now, really. ALTHOUGH. I am planning to start doing long-form improv again, which I've heavily missed.

Holy shit, dudes. If you actually made it this far in reading this blathering page of hobby describing, you're impressive. I'm exhausted. Bye.
cptntiller: (DUG)
38 days of LJ Meme : Day 6 – Your definition of love, in great detail


So, yesterdays was about FOOD. Todays is about love?

Heavy change.




Love is squishy.

Love is all warm and toasty and you feel it in your upper chest sometimes and it's just like you had a shot of good whiskey, or I guess hot chocolate, but lets be honest: good whiskey. And you feel warm and glowy, and just right. And the warmth spreads a little and you can feel it in your cheeks sometimes, but mostly it rests inside and makes you feel wonderful.

It's um.

I mean. Love is... fuck this is hard.

Love is... wanting, deep inside, to ensure to the greatest of your abilities, that the object of said love is as happy as humanly possible. Love is rarely careful.

Love is not a delicate ballet, it's a full-out "It's 3 A.M. and I'm blasting this music and dancing in the living room in my socks because goddamn it, it's awesome, this song is great, and I'm having a friggin blast."

Love is not needing to win every argument. It's ice cream after midnight.

I guess at it's most basic it's just a hellofalot of caring.

Love hurts sometimes, but it's usually in that "Damn, I had an awesome time making this hurt." kind've way. Except you don't notice 'til after it stops hurting so much.

Love is frigging awesome. It's ... Love is great. Let's all do it. 'Kay?

Okay, Todd out. This is too difficult for me to try and elaborate more.

Whatever, that wasn't great detail. But it was SOME detail. You're over it.

[Full list of questions]
cptntiller: (EAT?)
38 days of LJ Meme : Day 5 - What you ate [yester]day, in great detail

I wrote this about yesterday because today isn't done.



So. Let's see if I can't find a way to make this interesting, hmm?


I wandered restlessly into the kitchen, and AHA! there! ON THE COUNTER! Freshly made bread, via my roommate the herr retriever. Sometimes my roommate the herr retriever goes by the person name of Jeff. But mostly I either bark at him or call him the pooch. I'm serious. Actually, I didn't need to add that, anyone who's met me believes that. I'm just that kind of crazy. Not the stab you in the night kind of crazy. More the hug a stranger kind of crazy. Let's put it this way. I am that guy you're mildly afraid of on the T.

Where was I? OH. Bread. So my roommate's family makes bread every week, and I told him that his job as roommate was to carry this tradition in our apartment. He has begun! GUYS. FRESH BREAD. I love bread, quite a bit, really. So naturally I ate it. It was delicious. I didn't toast it, or put butter on it. I just sliced off a piece and went to town.

I wished I had orange juice and made a silent note to pick up orange juice later. [side-note: I never picked up orange juice later. Sad.] Then after quietly dancing around the kitchen to westbound train, I jumped in the shower where I'm pretty sure I imbibed some shower water. I sang "We Shall Overcome" loudly to the shower nozzle, and water just kind've went in. The woman who feeds her baby around 8:00 am every morning in the house across the yard looked out the window to try and find the phantom who sings in the shower. Our bathroom window is tiny. I felt safe and waved. She lives really far away, so there is no way she saw me, but no one can say I'm not friendly.

I walked from my apartment to the T station, roughly .7 miles away, but the walk is all on the bike path. Porter Square is a little closer, but fuck it, I like the bike path. I walked past a dog. I did not eat it. I was really hungry when I hit the T station for some reason. I never eat breakfast, so it didn't make any sense to me, but I walked past the food booths anyway. On the T, I read from my entire collection of BONE. [the comic] I didn't eat that either.

Usually on tuesdays, there are free bagels in the morning. These are usually from Panera, and they have a cinnamon crunch hidden amongst the packs. This, my friends, though bagel blasphemy to some, is my crack. TOAST THAT SHIT AND TOSS SOME CREAM CHEESE ON IT. But today was Wednesday! BUT! BUT MONDAY WAS A HOLIDAY, AND MAYBE THAT MEANT THERE WOULD BE BAGELS ON WEDNESDAY THIS WEEK! I was hopeful. I cranked up the recording of RMO's version of Deceptacon on my iPod as I gathered into the elevator, building up all my hope on my ride up, light bubbly dreams of bagels bouncing about in my head.

"here's to the man and his bombs his bombs his bombs" I muttered to myself as I wandered down the hallway to the cafeteria. "here's to the man and his motherfucking war games!" I thought to myself as I rounded the corner to find! NO BAGELS. What a let-down.

SO. ROUGHLY, NO BREAKFAST WAS HEAD EXCEPT FOR SOME BREAD. There was some orange juice in the soda fridge, which I found EXTREMELY exciting, so I grabbed two bottles, because I'm a greedy sunuvabitch. Fate was angered at me for this, clearly, for she made me spill the second bottle all over my keyboard. A little got on Fluffy, my velociraptor, too, but I cleaned him up and he's fine. I popped all the keys off and cleaned them, put them on, and silently got angry at my orange juice. We're cool now, I still love it.

Morning passed. LUNCH TIME CAME!!

I didn't make lunch today. It had been a long, amazing weekend, and I had been lazy. Usually for lunch I have some yogurt and a peanut butter sandwich, and some carrots, and some goldfish. Or leftovers. One of those two. BUT THIS TIME I DID NOT. And it was wednesday. Which, while it does not mean free bagels... it DOES MEAN CHILI DAY!

Chili day is a wonderful day in office-land because there is chili. I wandered with my coworkers to the cafeteria and got me a big cup of chili, and 3 pieces of bread to dip in it. I am clever with chili. I put cheese on the bottom of the cup, and in the middle. this way, when I mix it, the cheese melts all nice-nice. It's a tactic you're allowed to use if you want to. It helps.

Chili was delicious. With it I enjoyed a ginger ale. I gave up caffeine close to two years ago, so it's one of the few options in our fridge of mountain dew and diet cokes.


I went home for an hour, where I ate more bread.


We won 3 games of 10 in dodgeball, a personal record for our team, the flying wombats. We're pretty awesome.

There is a local bar to where we play that gives dodgeball teams two free pizza's after their games, so we went there. Last week we made friends with the bartender, Jen. She likes us and thinks we're cooky. How does one spell cooky? Whatever.

We each had two "jack-o-lanterns" which is to say, a black and tan, only instead of bass, you use a pumpkin ale. OH MY GOD. This is a genius decision. I decided I was hungry, and needing additional food to our shared pizzas, ordered a Cheesesteak.

This came in a grand fashion, with delicious french fries on the side, which I very happily enjoyed.

After cleaning my plate, we headed home, where I had no more food.

AND THAT IS WHAT I ATE [yester]day.

[Full list of questions]
cptntiller: (Concert)
38 days of LJ Meme : Day 4 – Your music, in great detail

Anyone who knows me in the slightest knows that this question is particularly daunting to me.

Here's a GENERAL idea of how much music I listen to. Since September 13, 2006, I have listened to 162,160 tracks. NOT counting tracks listened to on my ipod, via youtube or streaming sites, or while not on my home or work computer. Which means this doesn't count all studying time, time in my car, etc.

162,160 tracks over 1,486 days. That comes out to just about 109 tracks a day. If we assume that the average song length is 3 minutes and 20 seconds, that comes out to just over 6 hours a day. Over 4 years. Guys. This is a lot of music. Keep in mind for 2 of these years I did not work in an office 8 hours a day. Ask my roommates. There are very few minutes during any day that I don't have music on.

[by the way I know the data about how many tracks thanks to the amazing website last.fm: http://www.last.fm/user/todderick I use it to track what I listen to. It's pretty damn cool.]

I grew up with a lot of music going on around me. My mom listened to oldies, classical music, and musicals. My father listened to country, folk, and marches, with a little rock mixed in. My sister listened to classic rock, the top 40's list, and pretty much every hippie band out there. [Whatever, I'm allowed to call them hippie bands.]

I took this list and aquired tastes for all of it. In addition I began branching out and finding my own genres. Metal, Punk, many varieties of rock, pop, and others were mixed in. As I grew, I branched out more and more. In high school I discovered jazz, and my world exploded. I listened to jazz non-stop for a good year. Soon after I discovered ska, and as this was rock and / or punk, with horns, I was deeply sated.

In college I continued to branch out, and I discovered the indie scene. Again, a whole world was opened. There's so much frigging music in this world, and I just need to LISTEN TO ALL OF IT. I found the hardcore scene in between rock and metal. I found prog rock. I found all the mini genres being discovered

Whenever I'm describing my music tastes to someone I don't know, I like to explain it like this: "You know, how you meet someone, and you say 'Oh, what kind of music are you into?', and they answer 'Everything!' but they're totally full of shit? Because if you were to, for example say 'What about country?' they'd be all 'well not country, country sucks.' or 'what about opera?' 'super lamesauce'. Well. I ACTUALLY like everything. No horse-shit."

Yes, there are very specific artists I dislike. But I don't dislike their genres, and I can usually find something worthwhile in most music. You won't find me listening to Madonna anytime soon, for example. Or U2. But they both have songs that are enjoyable, and I understand why they got popular.

I don't have a singular favorite band. That is too difficult. The things I'm grooving to change too often and wildly. But there are some staples that tend to be in my rotation almost always. [I have a PLETHORA of music, as you may imagine. And an 8 gig ipod. So. Things tended to be rotated in and out.]

The three bands that I usually list as my three favorites when queried are, in no order: Streetlight Manifesto, State Radio, and Flogging Molly. But they are not always my number one bands. I do tend to always be able to listen to them.

I love live music. I go to a LOT of concerts. In fact, the combined number of concerts I've been to *JUST* of the three artists listed above is about 38. I love the community of music. I love that when you're in the pit, dancing with everyone else, they're there with you. And I love the way music gets into my pulse.

I have been known to kind've black out when listening to music. Especially at live shows. With no alchohol or drugs involved. I get lost in the music. When it's played correctly and felt correctly, it gets deep inside me, and it's like... this glorious feeling, and I just let go, and all I can feel is the depth of the beat and the lyrics. I can cry from simply listening to a song.

Music is probably the most powerful force in my life. I cannot imagine a day without it. It would be miserable. Fortunately, I can always sing it in my head. Oh. P.S. I often get distracted while listening to music at work and accidentally sing along. My coworkers, god bless them, have come to enjoy this. Mostly for amusement factor. [I'm not a great singer. There is a youtube channel which heartily proves this [todderick42]]

I haven't even gotten to the fact that I play music and this is an ESSAY. I have played trombone since 5th grade, and currently play in a brass/second line band in Somerville, called the Dirty Water Brass Band. In fact [SHAMELESS PLUG] we'll be playing at honk! this saturday at 2:00 and 6:00. COME! 6:00 will be better, but both will be fun. I've played guitar since junior year of high school, and I can also play trumpet, violin, and a little piano. I'm working on learning drums and banjo.

I guess that's a good lead-in to jazz. I get lost in the music while playing, too. It's amazing. Jazz is such an awesome force. I started it in high school, and I was like "why the hell would anyone play classical when they could play THIS!? It moves, and it takes you with it. That's a large amount of my music too.

Also, musical theater. I am currently in the process of listening to every musical which ever won, or was nominated for either best score or best musical. At the time of writing this, I have 8 gigs of musicals alone on my computer. And it is growing steadily. As a huge theatre geek, I was really into them growing up, obsessing over many as I've grown. Now I'm just as into them, and they are incorporated into my musical world.

I tend to listen to my music on shuffle. I just put it all in the player, and let it go where it wants, with me along for the journey. sometimes I listen to albums in order, especially cast recordings, but usually I'm just along for the ride.

I tend to obsess over very specific songs or albums and listen to them over and over. I also tend to learn lyrics REALLY quickly.

I could try and throw my favorite artists out there, but jesus, it's hard to isolate them.

I will tell you who-all is represented in the image above, in addition to the afore-mentioned three.

Westbound Train, Hey Rosetta!, Death Cab For Cutie, Horse Feathers, Fucked Up

Spring Awakening, Next To Normal, In The Heights, [title of show]

I am resisting the strong urge to add more [Ben Folds! HAIR!] gah... because if I give in [Youngblood Brass Band! Assassins!] I WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP.

OMG. I need to end this post, now. This subject is just too dangerous.

[Full list of questions]
cptntiller: (Lomo)
38 days of LJ Meme : Day 3 – Your parents, in great detail

Will this meme ever ask for mediocre detail, or would that be too amusing?

I guess individually, then together?


My mom is 58 years old. She was born March 11th, in San Diego, California. My grandfather was a pilot in the navy, which means she lived in something like 13 states as she grew up. She has two brothers, and as I understand it was something of a tom-boy. She started college at the Shenandoah Conservatory of Music. She did not finish there, and moved to Guilford with her folks, where, after attending dog grooming school in New York City, she opened up a pet grooming business in the basement of my grandfather's pet store in my hometown. This store is called Peppers. This is where she and my dad met, in fact. More on that later.

My mom is an amazing French Horn player, as well as essentially every instrument, and she wanted to be a teacher. She lived at home while I was growing up and in the younger grades, but when I entered 4th or 5th grade she started working at the local middle school, first as a para, but then as an assistant music teacher. She then began the process of finishing her bachelors degree, and succeeded in 2000, making her the first in her family to do so. She got a job teaching band, chorus, and general music, not to mention doing the music aspects of the musical at a middle school in New Haven, Connecticut. She's been teaching there since, and got her and has also since worked for and received her masters! My mom is frigging awesome, eh?

My mom is a big influence in me creatively and musically. Music is a really really big part of my life, and my mother played a huge role in the development of that. I can remember driving around singing in the car to musicals, the beach boys, and a variety of oldies. She brought me to my first play audition, and all the rehearsals. Also, honor band, and before-school band. My mom and I shared our work commute for a long time, and we'd talk and sing. I gain a lot of my most basic interaction skills from my mom, and my sentimentality. I've learned patience, ethics, caring, and hard work from her. We have a ton of personal jokes, and I talk to her at least once a week. I am definetly a momma's boy, and that's just fine.


My dad is 59. He was born in my hometown, Guilford, Connecticut! He grew up on the farm my grandparents owned, and was the son of a former marine, and my grandmother. One of 6 siblings, he grew up working at the family hardware store. He played trombone in school, just like me! My dad has always been a hardworking, concientious person, and it shows even in letters and school work from his formative years. He went to college at Nichols, in Massachussets, and after completing, returned to Guilford where he took over the family hardware store.

My dad successfully ran the hardware store until a few years ago when he sold it to my cousin Andrew. He now works there 5 days a week on his own hours. He's a staple in the community in my hometown, and you'd be hard-pressed to find a resident that doesn't know him. He was in the Volunteer Fire Department for a number of years, and he has been on the committee for a parade that occurs over fair weekend in my hometown for years. When I began doing marching band in high school, my dad became obsessed with football. He is now also obsessed with basketball, especially at URI where my folks now have a house. In case it wasn't clear, my dad is a kick-ass dude.

My dad has, among other things, taught me the importance of hard work, honesty, and focusing on the details. He's taught me the importance of respect, and enforcing good habits. He's also taught me about not getting caught up in the small things that make you anxious, and everything I know about grilling. The man grills 365 days a year. A habit I have happily taken up, which my roommates are well pleased about. I don't think he's ever forgotten a birthday, and he has happily mailed me the sunday funnies, along with a smattering of other goodies from home ever since I started college. My dad consistently reminds me to enjoy life, while staying focused on goals. He would remind me to enjoy college beyond simply studying, and not to get *TOO* worked up about my GPA. I've learned more than I can explain from my father, a lot of which is honestly just how to be a good person and use common sense. I don't always succeed at using the lesson, but I try.

My dad brought his dog to be groomed. The girl that was grooming his dog was cute. He brought his dog in again, for the sole purpose of asking said girl out. This is the story as I remember it. My folks are great. Obviously we've had our disagreements, being human beings, and given that I was at some point in my life a teenager, even if it wasn't always when I was actually a teenager. They were great to my sister and I. We have a great relationship now. We had rocky periods, but now we have a rock-solid relationship. It's great.

As a couple they balance well. Both are good natured and with a good sense of humor. The areas of life that my mom is generally chill about are the ones that my dad is generally obsessive about, and the ones my dad is pretty chill with are the ones my mom is usually obsessive about. They share a ton, too. I feel really fortunate to have had my folks, and to have had them stay together. That was something I was really concious of in high school.

Also, they're total goof balls, and I totally love them.

[hi guys.]

[Full list of questions]
cptntiller: (Vivol!)
38 days of LJ Meme : Day 2 – Your first love, in great detail

Great detail, eh? Ugh. This is already really hard.

Well, dear readers. Do you realize, that in just under 6 years of livejournal usage, spreading the gamut from 3-times-a-day bleed your heart out angsty 18 year old entries to nothing but photos, I have never once actually, directly talked about a relationship? There have been implications via general happiness and photos, but never an actual direct reference to a beau, boyfriend, or a tale of dating. I mean. Those who weren't stupid figured it out, but still. I never actually talked about it here.

I know at least one person noticed that. [livejournal.com profile] bobo_dreams actually pointed it out once.

Much like Liz before me, I know my first love would not want to be called out here. So for the purposes of this entry, lets call him Alec Baldwin.

I met my first love via this website, actually. We have some mutual friends. He found me, we began interacting in October or November of my junior year of college. We started talking via email and then yahoo messenger. I found out he worked in the city I went to school in, and as we talked more and more, I found myself falling more and more. It drove me crazy. I was 20 at the time, and the age difference was substantial - he was more than twice my age. I was a very unexperienced person at this point in my life. I had come out just one year prior; I had had but one kiss, and certainly had never been on a date. Alec was/is a charming, handsome man with a very kind and sensitive heart, inside a rugged, manly world. He was understanding and patient, and we connected on a variety of levels. I wasn't sure how to handle being attracted to someone so much older and I was still not entirely comfortable with the fact that I was attracted to men in general, really. I was, really, too scared to actually meet this person. I wasn't sure what I wanted, and I was even shyer than I am now, and ... well. Yeah.

I had a nice streak of emo angst over it. And then finally, on February 16th, 2007, after fretting my way around an email until 3:32 AM, I finally got the gall up and pressed send.

Heylo Alec-
this here's Todd (duh), and I'm writing to say that today (it's officially friday) I'm free between 10:20 and 1:30 if you want to meet up for coffee/lunch or somefing. I'm kind'f springing this at the last moment... and you have work, so I'm expecting the answer will be a no for today... but let it be known that my pluck is officially greater than 0. Hope that you have a good morning time period, as I'm fairly sure thats when this will reach you. I meant to bring it up tonight, but I forgot. Lemme know what the verdict is via email or the power of the cell: XXX-XXX-XXXX (if I don't answer I'm in class)


He replied. We didn't end up getting lunch or lunchtime coffee, but I was free in the late afternoon, and he was too. I made my way to his office, more nervous than I could possibly explain. I still feel nervous just remembering it.

I tapped the car in front of mine parking. I parked illegally and got a ticket, actually. Too nervous to pay attention. I was shaking as I got out of the car, wandered to the door to his building, and when I got there, he came to find me in the hallway. He was exactly as cute as any pictures I had seen. And his personality was everything in person it had been in our emails and chats. He offered me coffee. I don't even know if I accepted. And we went to his office. It was big, I sat on the couch, he sat in a comfy chair. And we just talked. It was wonderful and I spent the entire time nervously flipping out in my head, trying not to blush or embarass myself. When the time came to leave it had been many hours, and we had a long hug.

This was a friday. The weekend came. The weekend passed. I went skiing. I thought about every word. I. Was. Hooked. I got a note on monday afternoon asking if I wanted to get dinner that night. I did. I definetly did.

We met in the parking lot of the nearby Chili's. We sat, ate, and talked about this and that. He handed me the crayon in the above photo, pointing out that it was my favorite color and a color of power. I was in awe of this man in front of me who was wonderful, thoughtful, funny.

Dinner ended. We walked to my car. I went for a hug, and somehow had a kiss. My mind was blown. THIS was what a kiss should feel like. [zomg I'm totally blushing at my desk just writing this.]

Within a few weeks, I had traveled to his home and spent the day. I quickly realized the age difference did not in the slightest bother me. Happiness outweighed it, and my friends were all just happy that I was happy. They didn't care about the age. I had the majority of my firsts, a wide world opened up. I told him I loved him. He returned it. We cried. There was great happiness. Things grew, bonds were created. I was head over heels. It was wonderful. Which, really, is how it should have been. We spent our time making at least one night a week together. Some times at his house, some times in Providence.

We were together until my first fall in Boston. [Note the period of EXTREMELY negative 365 self-portraits around that time.]

I don't want to get into the break-up part. It was dragged out a bit longer than it should have been. It got nasty. Let's just say there was a difference of opinion on whether or not the age difference would be/was a problem. I eventually called him and told him I couldn't see him anymore. We were both broken by it. I have seen him once since, but it was way too soon. We've resumed phone contact, which is nice. I hope to be able to hang out with him at some point, I'm trying to make sure time is taken so no one gets hurt by it.

[Full list of questions]
cptntiller: (THP - New Default)
38 days of LJ Meme : Day 1 : Introduce Yourself

I'm Todd H. Page.

I'm a 24 year old codger.

I grew up in Guilford, Connecticut, a small town with 3 stop lights and about 18,000 people when I was growing up. It's a large town with a plethora of farms, over 50 square miles. It's a typical New England town, with a town green surrounded by churches and shops. It's the kind of town where everyone knows everyone elses name and business.

I spent 12 years working at my dad's hardware store, which was on that town green. I worked there from the age of 7 to 19.

I went to College at Providence College, in Providence, Rhode Island. I enjoyed my time there although I had issues with school politics. Great teachers and friends that I am still very much in touch with.

From there I moved to the Boston area, where I have been since. I work as an Actionscript [Flash] Developer. I currently make online casino games for Everest Casino [http://everestcasino.com] I love programming, though it's not what I started school for, or what I ever would have pictured myself doing for a living. It's pretty friggin fun though.

I rock climb. It's pretty much my main physical outlet. I rather enjoy it, really. I play trombone in a jazz band [we're playing at HONK! this weekend!!], I did long form improv for a long time. I'm looking to get back into it. I play video games! I read comics and webcomics. I read books, too. I've begun taking up knitting. Rather enjoying that. I built sets for a while, and I really enjoy theatre.

Music is a ginormous part of my life.

I've learned to express myself with my camera. I love that.

I overextend myself alot, but I'm usually fine with it. I enjoy the things I do, even if they take alot of time. My friends and I have worked balance into our lives and we make time to hang out.

I'm a queermosexual and a late bloomer. I tend to like fuzzier menfolk. Usually larger than me.

I'm shyer than anyone truly believes.

I push myself alot.

I'm a little neurotic. A lot obsessive.

I am a dog person.

I love my initials.

I am THP.

[Full list of questions]

[photo I'm in front of by Angry Alan: http://angryalan.com ]
cptntiller: (Banksy)


[livejournal.com profile] lizbaillie, who is an awesome comic artist, lj-er, and person who I haven't met in real life yet, has started this meme. It's called "30 days of LJ", but a bunch of the days had two questions, so I broke it down and made it into 38 days. Which works swell as I'll only be doing it on work days, most likely.

I've been a little out of it lately, and could use something to force me to outlet, so I'm going to do it.

Some will probably be friends only. Per usual Todd-Blog-ness, all will have a photo. First post will be up later today.

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 – Your music, in great detail
Day 05 - What you ate today, in great detail
Day 06 – Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 07 – Your hobbies, in great detail
Day 08 - Your day, in great detail
Day 09 – Your best friend, in great detail
Day 10 – A moment, in great detail
Day 11 – Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 12 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 13 – Your siblings, in great detail
Day 14 – What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 15 – Your mode of transportation, in great detail
Day 16 - This week, in great detail
Day 17 – Where you live, in great detail
Day 18 – Your childhood, in great detail
Day 19 - Your dreams, in great detail
Day 20 – Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 21 – Your favorite memory, in great detail
Day 22 – Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 23 – Something you regret, in great detail
Day 24 – Your morning routine, in great detail
Day 25 - This month, in great detail
Day 26 – Your job and/or schooling, in great detail
Day 27 - Another moment, in great detail
Day 28 – Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 29 – Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 30 – Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 31 – Your sleeping habits, in great detail
Day 32 - A first, in great detail
Day 33 – Your fears, in great detail
Day 34 – Your favorite place, in great detail
Day 35 – Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 36 – Your favourite foods/drinks, in great detail
Day 37 - Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 38 – One last moment, in great detail

This is going to be the most you have actually learned about me in ... how long? How long since I really put words on here consistently?
cptntiller: (Schnauzer)

March is question month: Ask Your Question Here.

QUESTION: Looking back, what was the significance of doing the H2B ride to you? And what would you say to someone who wants to do the ride, but is also truly scared of making that kind of physical effort?

Oof. Good and hard question. I'm going to answer that in reverse, because the second part is easy. Do it. I had never ridden more than 15 miles on a bike before I signed up for this ride. It was mildly terrifying. I remember as I signed up thinking "This is absurd. But how amazing would it be if I could actually finish this?" I mean, when did I sign up, June? Yikes. [start training before june.]

I don't know how your approach to things like this is, mentally. I have a weird brain, I was raised on stubbornness and determination, and once I have accepted a challenge it is near impossible for me to not complete it, even if I am the one who has extended the challenge to myself. So when I officially signed up, I was going to do it. I just started riding. Is it daunting? Hells yes. But if for some reason you're not able to make it to the end, there are plenty of places to stop and catch a ride. Just way desire and determination over exhaustion. Are you willing to put in the time to make it happen?

The signifigance is surprisingly complicated. A big part of it was taking this challenge that seemed impossible to me and overcoming it. I like overcoming things that seem impossible to me.

More significantly for me it was a sort of zen reflection. I intended for this ride to be something that would push me to the edge, and that would cause me both through training and the actual day to meditate and think. I've made a lot of life progress in the past couple years. A lot of changes and adjustments - one of the biggest is the way I interact and commune with the gay community. Over a year my percentage of friends who were gay went from 2 or 3 percent to at least 50. I have become more aware of issues related to it, and more aware of myself in that context. It was about really thinking about our foundations, about the AIDS and HIV community. About helping to raise money for an amazing cause. And about thinking about how I interact with that cause as well.

The significance in all realms comes down, I suppose to overcoming. Overcoming my fears, overcoming large distances, exploring and branching out, and overcoming my preconceptions. It's weird how much more mental this ride was than physical. [okay, scratch that, maybe. The physical portion was huge.]

I'm not even sure I can explain what it meant to me. And now it means more, because I did make it. And sweet jesus did it hurt. but I will always remember crossing that line soaking wet, and my knee feeling shredded and never feeling quite so proud of myself. So giddily ecstatic and in tears. That was a terrible wonderful day. But I'm crazy enough to be signing up to do it again.

Well, that was long and rambly and I have no clue if I even scratched the surface of your question. Did I? It's pretty complicated in my head. So it's possible I completely missed the point on paper.

Addendum: P.S. for those of you who don't know H2B is Harbor to the Bay - a 125 mile bike ride from Copley Square in Boston to Provincetown. It benefits local HIV and AIDS groups / research folks.


Mar. 1st, 2010 07:35 pm
cptntiller: (Schnauzer)

Alright, I'll bite.

You guys know the March is Question month meme, right?

I have some questions from last year to answer still - my life exploded last march, and I didn't finish them. I didn't forget about you.

So I'll use those as filler, but basically ask whatever you want. I'll answer many of them via a long-winded post with a photo. I say many because I may not feel comfortable answering some. I'll probably answer it to your question directly. All questions will be screened so no one but me can see them. Please make it clear if you'd like to remain anonymous in the post. By default I will be saying who asked.

and anonymous comments have always been asked.

This is kind've rare. I don't often write words, never mind words about me. So. Take advantage of it and such.

To see last years answered questions:

[I probably won't answer questions I've already answered unless the answer has changed significantly]

Oh. And you DON'T need to post this in your journal. Ask away. S'many as you want.

Also, photos from the trip are slowly but surely coming.
cptntiller: (365)
Day 145/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a
comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 22: What is it with "THP" anyway? What does that even mean?

Wait. Seriously? Dude. It's my initials.

Todd H. Page

cptntiller: (365)
Day 144/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a
comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 21: How would you evaluate your overall experience at PC, given its social and academic climate?

Oh boy. It's interesting. I'm sure with years my bitterness towards the general student and faculty attitude at PC will fade. Right now that it is, perhaps undeservedly, high.

First let me say that I carefully summarized my PC experience, and my advice from within that, here: toddpage.livejournal.com/281672.html [NOT edited]

Now, onwards to the question. In terms of academics, I bare no fault against P.C. I feel that I got a top-notch education. A heavily biased education, no doubt, but a top-notch education, regardless. I don't bear issue with the fact that theology and philosophy courses were required of all students. It's a catholic school, that should be expected. Do I wish there had been a class on other faiths? Yes. After all, most of the students there went to some amount of years of catholic education and already have a pretty good grasp of Catholic Doctrine. I loved Civ. For those of you who don't know PC, there is a required 2 year program that has 4 teachers and meets 5 days a week. It covers History, Literature, Philosophy, and Theology through pretty much all time. It's an amazing amount of information, and if you do the work, to me, rewarding. I also think that Dr. Scanlan's suggested updates to the program are brilliant. The school should totally get on that. There also needs to be more diversity in other course areas, and some faculty need to be reminded that not all students are catholic, and that they have a right to believe otherwise that the schools non-discrimination statement protects. I had a professor tell me I should drop her class because I did not believe the Catholic beliefs, more specifically, her beliefs. So naturally I stayed in it. No one tells me that. There is alot of improvement to be made there. Luckily there is a group of students struggling to make those changes. *fist in the air*

Now the social climate. PC is, as it were, a school full of cookie cutters. That is to say, it is full of people who all think the same, and feel the same, and approach things the same. Alot of these people will not accept or listen to anything that is different from that. The social climate at PC is awful. I lucked out in that I made the right friends. I found the kids who think for themselves [and that does not mean all of them thought in ways differently from the norm. It simply means they evaluated what they think, and are open to people thinking differently from them] This helped in a huge way. I also made friends with the kids working to change PC, or at least willing to resist being a part of the attitude that all that is different is bad. The theatre kids are great in that way, and being a part of the Vagina Monologues helped with that too. The administration, for those of you who don't know, shut down the Vagina Monologues at PC after 4 years of it being performed. We were already not allowed to advertise, and we had to perform in a classroom, but when the new president came in, he said he could not allow it to be performed. [The president's letter] This is absurd. It was a student production, and regardless of it's language or topics, it's cause is noble. Not to mention, that spring the official production was My Sister In This House, a play about lesbian incest. I don't think he realized what a movement that little letter began.

Whoa, tangent. The point is, even though PC itself is lame. I will not be giving them money, and most people I know who have very individual personalities, I would not send there, I ended up having a good experience. God I was SO sick of all the bullshit there by the end. And it is full of bullshit. Tons of it. And people whose only goal in life is to get totally shit-faced, and people who will only listen to opinions that mirror theres, and commentaries in the newspaper comparing homosexuality to cancer, and stating that when women get raped it's their own fault. It is full of stupid ridiculous people. I find I remember my friends and memories with them fondly. My program as well, and the CS teachers. And as I move away, I remember less the stupid idiots, faculty, and presidents, and all the bullshit there-in. The gasps when anything of a gay nature came up, the people who used fag as a commonplace slang for idiot. It all still makes me angry. I'd rate the school low. It claims to be desiring diversity, but really it only wants statistics. Everything about that school resists diversity. It is filled with Racist, homophobic, people who are afraid of different and change. My experience, however, was pretty good, all things considered. I got a good education, and a strong group of friends. And that's different from the school itself.

So even though I had to deal with sooo much bullshit, and spent tons of time fighting the man, I would say my EXPERIENCE was good, because of the people I surrounded myself with. If I hadn't had them, it would have been miserable.

Wow. That was more positive than even I expected.

cptntiller: (365)
Day 143/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a
comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 20: When, where or what brings you joy in this world? and how often do you find it?

Oh so many things. The little things mostly, I suppose. That moment where music feeds into you and you lose awareness of the outside world for a while. The feeling of accomplishment from making something work correctly. The feeling after a serious conversation when you realize that even at the hardest of times, things will get better, and will be okay, that no matter how much you fuck up, that person will still be there for you. Loving. Being loved, feeling it and knowing it's there for you. The feeling of warmth from a person you care about, and that mental warmth there-in. Both mentally and physically. That safe space in the person you loves arms, or the security from simply feeling their hand on your head. The sound of crisp fall leaves getting cah-runched as you step on them. Singing along with some song in the car with your friends like an idiot, and no-one caring whether or not you hit the pitch. Living that moment, and this one. The times when my thoughts don't get in the way of my life. The promise of the future. The fact that I still have such a good relationship with my family. Echo Lake, Maine; Anza Borrego, California. Memories of fond moments, and sincere flashbacks. Lying on the floor of our front hall in a sunbeam with Bob, or, at the time when she was around, Cassie and falling asleep [Bob and Cassie are dogs]. Lighting a fire in the backyard and sitting around it till 2 or 4 in the morning with friends discussing life and seeing what burns. The simplicity, full bond, and unquestioned support of my true friendships. Knowing that I can tell them anything and get support. Knowing that even at my most dick-like and crazy, they'll still help me. Driving around Sachem's Head. Walking into the water and staring at the moon. The first bite of cold as fall develops, and the last bite of cold as spring chimes in. Warm socks, just out of the dryer. The smell of photo-developer. The smell of sawdust! The satisfaction of proving to myself that I can do something I thought I couldn't. Waking up next to the person you love. Making others laugh, or smile. Realizing that someone knows how crazy I am and cares about me anyway. Dryer sheets! I don't even use them. But they smell so nice. Meeting a 7 year old named Lily on what is possibly the shittiest day in months, and having her say "Hi, what's your name? My name's Lily and I want to write the names of everyone exciting I meet today in my journal!" then she rolls around you on her scooter and says "Are you a photographer? I've never met a photographer before! How exciting!" Cuddling in bed with no agenda. Brunch! Noticing what happens back-stage. Realizing 3 hours have passed in a time I thought was 45 minutes. Being open and honest with my friends and family and everyone else and having that be natural. Making photographs. Capturing my world. Singing in the shower. Fighting the good fight. Feeling the wind press against me. Puppies jumping up on me. Not worrying about what people around me are thinking. Realizing you've made a difference in someone elses life.The amount of times I've changed POV in this. [I, You]. Looking at a set I built and going "I did that." Jumping off the dock in Maine and splashing into the water. The really minimal amount of entertainment my friends and I need because our idle chatter makes anything more interesting. Knowing that there are people I would gladly do ANYTHING for, and that they would reciprocate.

Many more things too.

I find them when I can, sometimes often. Sometimes not for days. Sometimes it lasts for 30 seconds, sometimes it lasts for 36 hours. But I enjoy it when I feel it.


[Photo is of State Radio. For rest of concert photos, please check: LINK]
cptntiller: (365)
Day 142/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a
comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 17: Who will make the World Series?

I hope you're not expecting an answer along the lines of the Red Sox, or the Yankees.

I hate both, quite equally.

I've just become used to people expecting me to support one or the other based on my location.

In reality, my two teams are the Texas Rangers, and the Chicago Cubs.

Neither really have a chance, per usual... but the Cubbies could come close. Who knows.

I have no clue who will make it this year. But I'm greatly looking forward to April 5th, to start watching the progress begin.


[PS: Given I don't think anyone checked Fantasy Ball after about a month last year, I'm not gonna start a league this year. However, if there is interest, express it here, and I'll consider it based on the numbers.]
cptntiller: (365)
Day 241/265 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a
comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [Comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 17: If your life were a video game, how would it play out? What would be the theme? Would it be an 8-bit old school game or a new fancy high tech game? And what would be the title?

Hot damn! Okay, easiest first: you have to know it would be an old school 8-bit game. It just plain doesn't get any better than ▲ ▲ ▼ ▼ ◄ ► ◄ ► b a start. I love the old school games best, though there are alot of fun new ones. Sure, it's probably just nostalgia winning over, but regardless I'm going with the NES as my console. The theme song will be absurdly bitmapped, and upbeat. It will be something that will be stuck in your head, and that years later you will all of a sudden find yourself humming [no really. this happened with the following while I was driving from boston to providence a few weeks ago]. If you want an example from an existing game, hows this: Boulderdash Music [God I fucking love that game]

It would be a side scroller, with occasional puzzles. If I could have the perfect combo pack, it would be like a mixture of SMB with 7th Guest. That side scroller go through collect items then go forward. Tackle bad guys, but mostly get to the end alive and well. And then throw in some challenging puzzles and a mystery or two. There could be puzzles or challenges involving building sets, and a level where you have to negotiate Boston Traffic and one way streets. *Beep* Giving the finger Bonus! Obviously the hero would not be saving a princess, but rather a man. [Lets get real. A bear]

Oh and there totally needs to be some dinosaurs in this. Maybe as steeds in some levels?

The title. I think I'll use my staple title for things. THP. Just like that.

cptntiller: (365)
Day 240/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a
comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 17: When was the first time you ate a Bic Mac?

Do you see those three images above?

That's the first time.

cptntiller: (365)
Day 239/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a
comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 16: What is your favorite work of literature? Is there one
author you're drawn to more? Ditto with poetry.

Ooh. I love reading. Fun question. [As we've encountered, I almost
taught English]

You know, I've read The Giver 35 times? It's the book I usually list as my favorite book of all time. No, it's not a literary masterpiece. But I enjoy it, and reading it brings me back to the first time I read it. I think it's well written and interesting, and I love the concept. I think it's definetly my favorite utopian novel. [Fuck you, Anthem] However, I also consider A Confederacy Of Dunces to be on par with that. This book is amazing. I love it's style, it's well built characters, and the bold, fucked-up writing. I'm a sucker for Ignatius' antics, and the crazy world he inhabits... not to mention the complete lack of anything positive in the entire novel. Call me crazy.

I also love Don Quixote. I think it's a pretty awesome book, and I'm really glad I read it. Actually, ACOD is considered the American Don Quixote, so there is no surprise I have a high interest in both. And of course, because I comply to society, I love The Catcher In The Rye. I love how hatable the character is. Actually, I don't think he's hatable at all. I identify with him, which is probably not a good sign... What amuses me about everyone who reads The Catcher In The Rye, and often, those who claim to, or do, love it... is that they miss the most significant fact of the book. SPOILER ALERT: World: Holden Caulfield is crazy. He is writing the narration from a mental institution. This is the entire point. I don't know how so many people miss this... it's subtly mentioned in the first paragraph, but the entire last chapter is about his being there. Sorry, that's not really relevant, is it. I just had a rant there I needed to air. [And yes, I know it was involved in 3 assassinations/attempts] Oh, and my copy of Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy is being borrowed... but it should be in the front, too.

Authors I tend to follow? How do you define literature? I read anything and everything by Michael Connolly, I think he has great, great mysteries. I also read anything put out by David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs. [Yeah, I'm gay. We covered that.] Ooh, ooh. Douglas Adams and Bill Watterson. Both are brilliant. I don't care if Bill Waterson's medium is sunday funnies. I count his collections as books. I'm also pretty drawn to Faulkner. And ... really... anything qualified as modern american literature. Oh, and Christopher Moore is hilarious. Always a good read. I'm going to end up thinking of, and adding, things all day long.

I don't read poetry in a deliberate manner very often. But I was especially intrigued by Siegfried Sassoon's War Poems. Which I accidentally did not place in this. I put Everyman's poetry... which is a collection I actually really dislike. I like Blake, and a few other poets. I have a collection called "Speaking fire at stones" that was given to me that I enjoyed. Most of the poetry I enjoy is modern, and less formatted. I think I'd probably read more if I took the time to collect more... er... collections. I like poetry, I just never go out of my way to find it. Oh, and Shel Silverstein rocks. No arguing.

Books above [Some of my favorites]:
Miguel Cervantes - Don Quixote
Michael Crichton - Jurassic Park
Michael Connolly - The Poet
Pietro Di Donato - Christ In Concrete
William Faulkner - As I Lay Dying
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
Victor Hugo - Les Miserables
David Hume - An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding
John Knowles - A Separate Peace
Lois Lowry - The Giver
Cynthia Ozick - The Shawl
J.D. Salinger - The Catcher In The Rye
Siegfried Sassoon - The War Poems of Siegfried Sassoon [I'm gonna pretend I put the right one in]
John Kennedy Toole - A Confederacy Of Dunces
Gertrude Chandler Warner - The Boxcar Children
Bill Watterson - The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes
Virginia Woolfe - Mrs. Dalloway

cptntiller: (365)
Day 238/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 15: what was a defining moment for you in photography? any particular projects you were super duper proud of?

I thought about this only briefly, and think my instinctive response is ultimately going to be the correct one, no matter how much I consider it. Working with film. The entire experience. Getting access to a darkroom was the best thing that happened to my photography, even though I look back at the first portfolio, and recognize it was really awful. I'm not horribly proud of it, with the exception of 5 or 6 shots. [link] My teacher didn't teach us much. We were kind've on our own. I didn't even learn about filters. For the most part I kinda taught myself my way around, except that I had the help of Brandon [[livejournal.com profile] neo999955, who walked me through alot, and taught me alot. I will always have alot of respect for his photographic [and writing] opinion. My second photo class had much much more impact, but that first class was the defining moment. Working with film changed my eye, and my approach.

Regardless. there is something about getting your hands dirty that brings it all to a much more real, much more direct level. God, I miss the dark room. Not to mention, with film there is not the ability to snap 700 shots of the same thing that comes with digital. You think more carefully, take more time. And you work hard in the dark room, because paper is fucking expensive. I still have the first film canister I cracked open. I can't even describe it. Digital work can never come close... photography becomes so much more than the initial capturing of the image.

As for projects I'm super duper proud of, that would be my project at the end of my second photo class. My second photo teacher was amazing, and gave us alot of free reign, and responsibilities. He taught, and expected alot... and while he never understood my project, he let me follow it anyway... when I presented it all-together at the end of the semester, he said he finally got it, and liked it alot. It was the first time I had thought out a full concept for a set of photos. I had really thought about an overarching vision I was persuing. It was the first time I had written a statement of my vision for a project, and had used that to guide me. I am still really really proud of this project, which you can witness here:


I really want to get some interested artists together to split studio space and set up a dark room here. I miss film so much.

cptntiller: (365)
Day 237/365 [Year 2]

March is apparently question month. To ask me a question, post a comment here: toddpage.livejournal.com/370916.html [comments are screened]

All questions: Here

Question 14: "Question 3: Is there an afterlife? From my personal standpoint? Yes. That's the simple answer. I believe in some continuation of being after our own limited survival on this plane." Okay thanks for answering that question. I have a question from your answer though ... the "I believe" part ... may I? My question is simple ... why? [This is a response to Question 3]

Easy. I spent hours sizing up the various systems and methods of belief, from atheism to Baptist, to Hindu, to Buddhism, and challenged what I had been tought and what and told to believe. And discarded all my beliefs for a while. After carefully considering everything, I came to realize that I believe in an Aristotelian God-Figure.

I guess that is actually how, isn't it. Why? Because. That's what faith comes down to, isn't it? I think what you're trying to get at is someting like "You don't believe in ghosts, you don't believe in magic, why do you believe in this?" Because most atheists I know line them up on the same plane. I don't believe in ghosts or magic, no. I have my faith because I think there is logic behind it. [Unmoved mover, every effect has a cause, if you follow the effects back far enough, there must be something which was an initial cause.] It's all to easy to believe in something simply because you're told to [see 95% of Providence College's population.] I'm not like that. I've challenged my thinking, and others thinking, and come to this conclusion on my own. That's why.

I don't expect anyone else to do so, and I don't preach it as such. Everyone should believe, or not believe whatever the hell they want, as long as it doesn't interfere with anyone elses right to believe or not believe in whatever the hell they want.



cptntiller: (Default)

June 2015

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